Being She...

"You can tell the condition of a Nation by looking at the status of its Women." Jawaharlal Nehru

After reading the article by Padhma Subramanyam, boasting and praising the way how women are respected in current India, I could not resist myself from sharing my few random thoughts of the same.

Saying examples of Vedic age and past achievements of women, and generalising the same for current trend is not the right way, I believe. Individualism is a concept which will break family structure and I totally accept that, but not even having a sense of OWN self is the current status of most of our women. Its funny to think of leading other countries to follow us, when we ourselves not ready to treat women equally, or even as human being in some places. If only we raise our children by telling them to respect women as goddess or even an equal human being, why there are so many assaults happening around the country then? In India, a female is subjected to rape and assault every 20 minutes. Our vedic age women were treated like goddess and it surely does not apply to modern day women. In ancient India, women enjoyed equivalent status & rights like their male counterparts. In addition they were properly educated in the early Vedic period. In fact during this time, women had superior position than the males. Is this the current status of our women? The below picture says it all.

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We always say "Incredible india". I don't think so. It would surely be an incredible country when someday women would be able to walk in the streets with confidence.In the simplest of words it is basically the creation of an environment where women can make independent decisions on their personal development as well as shine as equals in society.

There is no denying the fact that women in India have made a considerable progress in the last fifty years but yet they have to struggle against many handicaps and social evils in the male dominated society. From literature to armed forces, nowadays, women want to contribute and achieve in every field like men. Still we expect our girls to handle every work at home as well. So she is faced with a question of Career or Home at various situations of her life. When juggling between home and work gets tough, the woman eventually sacrifices her career for the sake of well being of her family and also she never regrets for that.

But still we see men treating women as a being who is born to support and adjust to him, his family, and their relations with no compromises whatsoever from their side. And I make myself clear here that I am not generalising, and I believe I am just a voice of a section of women in our country. If one tells me few examples of families where men are very caring and supportive for their women, I can give you many examples of the scenario otherwise.Unluckily, we are in a place, where a girl is considered as a liability, where women are being told and brought up as a product which serves the in law family and being a product you have a reputation to be maintained which your parents created for all these years, and also the in laws put their own family rules on you again. Comparing girls with a product could be seen over the top and exaggerative but I certainly feel it that way and did not intend to offend anyone.

And the sad thing is, even before a girl starts to have a single thought of her own in life ,(not being told or seen around) she is being pushed into marriage and again end up doing what she see and hear around. As time flies, she tend to think that is how it is and starts convincing herself that she is happy. Also the surrounding society mandates a woman's obedience to her husband and her in-laws. Any disobedience would bring disgrace which might lead to the woman being neglected by her very own family. So it is obvious that Indian women suffer silently from cradle to grave. Initially, parents control them as they don’t know anything, upto marriage. After marriage, they remain under the control of their husbands. And in their old age, they remain in control of their children. Hence Indian women remain under control all their life in their own homes and are deceived by their society which just glorifies them as Goddesses without any respect in real.

In 1957, Betty Friedman, noticed a quiet but intense unhappiness described by women in the golden age of housewife, which she termed as “The problem that has no name”. She gave shape to the problem by the publication of “The Feminine Mystique” which advocated for women’s right to freely explore the fundamental question of what it means to live a full life.

She wrote :

Each suburban wife struggles with it alone. As she made the beds, shopped for groceries, matched slipcover material, ate peanut butter sandwiches with her children, chauffeured Cub Scouts and Brownies, lay beside her husband at night — she was afraid to ask even of herself the silent question — ‘Is this all?’

I think we are facing a similar situation in India now. I personally believe marriage should not be an end of individual. Marriage, in its true sense, should magnify life of both involved.  Unfortunately, more often than not, marriage becomes the end of many possibilities especially for women and especially in our culture. I see girls competing with me equally in college for top ranks end up locking themselves in the four walls after marriage. Why struggle 4 years of life then? To just get a degree or for the sake of parents? Don’t they think they are betraying their inner expressions?  Don’t they think they are giving up the possibilities of their life just for the sake of a well educated well placed man from a reputed family?

I have seen women who have given up their personal dreams for their husband, a great example being Sudha Murthy. But she still found her own way of achievement and self satisfaction. It all boils down to how much you want it!!

Having said all that, the point I am about to make is not in anyway against the housewives as such but its for those girls who want to follow their dreams, yet are bounded by social and cultural constraints, for those women who feel resentment that they have only been a giver all their life, for those who are mistreated or treated unfairly only because she is a girl.

Respect Is the First Step

There is no point in blaming just men although I accept being a man,one should respect her thoughts, her space, her individuality,her loved ones. By treating a woman with respect you are actually conveying that you love her just the way she is.

But the solution to this is not only in the hands of men. Respecting women and girls must begin at home. Teach your son to treat girls with respect meanwhile grow up your daughter with self respect and give her the clarity to be a decision maker than a consequence receiver. Let your girl follow her heart and dreams and so she will always have her head and heart in the right and same place. Cherish her instead considering her as a liability. And when it comes to marriage, try to give her the right to decide but still with your permission and treat her like a princess and demand for equal respect. Dont give into the rituals like dowry and be bold to stand against it and any other expectations that will disrespect your daughter. In a much bolder way of saying, “Stop ‘giving away’ your daughters, they are not commodities”.

And We, girls, also have to have some self respect and self esteem of what we are capable of and of what we are worthy of. Its simple. Respect is a two way street. You have to self respect and in turn, your man and others will respect you. It has to be earned. If you don’t stand up for what you want and keep doing sacrifices and compromises, you will be taken for granted and end up having a no sense of own self. Also being true to yourself and not trying to act the way you think a man wants you to act will allow a man to really respect you for who you are. So It starts with us to have a sense of self respect and courage to say, “My Life, My Choice”.

So girls,

The sky is the limit for you! You are a symbol of patience and humanity. You have a great potential and power to take on various challenges in this world. Be bold. Take initiative. Shoulder responsibilities. Face the challenges. Only this way you can Inspire the World!!

References :

http://www.womenempowermentinindia.com/status-of-women-in-india/