Being She... In the name of culture

First let me start with a question.

Imagine you have recently identified that you are short sighted and hence has to be taken care of. Will you then get yourself a power glass/contact lens or do a surgery and correct it forever? 

I suppose most of them will give me the obvious choice at least here in India, to opt for glass/lens. The number of people going for LASIK (surgery to correct your power) has been increasing but we still don’t prefer it that much. And why…? Mainly because of the rising disbelief on our medical system we have. What this has to do with women? Well, even for a smaller surgery like eye, we don’t trust our system to do it perfectly which makes us question about the recent sterilization deaths that has created a much less than expected havoc in our country. Sexual health is often considered a taboo topic in this culture. But how long do our women have to go through this discrimination in the name of culture. This incident clearly shows the lack of options for women in this country. I am trying so hard to keep aside my emotions and point out the possible alternatives here. 

Ignoring men totally, in the population control side, shows the worst face of this patriarchal society. We are so driven by our culture and hence we don’t educate women regarding contraception, sexually transmitted infections and the total concept of pregnancy. The actual barrier of this pain is taken for granted and even demanded the same rightfully. But you know how much she is lucky. She satisfies his needs, gives him pleasure whenever needed, and where he doesn’t even consider taking the contraceptive measures out there and expects her to go through the hurting process. 

A girl who has grown up in an orthodox family is expected to satisfy her man’s sexual need from the day one of their marriage. How lucky she is to get a man, who doesn’t care anything about her wishes and just wants to satisfy his longing for pleasure and proves his so called masculinity(pathetically only here he can right?) and make her a mother. And you know, she is so lucky, that her kid takes her father’s name for initial, grandfather’s for middle name and carries all the customs followed by the father’s family. Because who cares about a girl’s tradition being lost here or ignoring the fact that her parents are also grandparents of that kid. Again she is lucky enough to be expected to go through a surgery that will make sure she still gives pleasure to her husband without the fear of pregnancy. And finally she is lucky enough to get money to do this surgery and end up leaving this painful country forever, which is loaded with selfish predators of women dignity.

Ok... Enough of blaming, which was an attempt to write down my instant thoughts. Now… Let me start talking about the problem openly. The government measures to promote condoms have unexpectedly backfired, making men think it’s only for sex workers or not targeted for a traditional couple. Statistics say that, men are not comfortable going out to shops and buy it because of the bad impression he might get. Studies have shown that, the traditional culturally brought up Indian men, do not desire fertility regulation. An attempt by women to influence this thought could potentially result in physical abuse, you know which is not culturally wrong for them. The continued low levels of condom usage within marriage tell us that there is a need for better efforts to promote and distribute them.

Hinduism as a religion doesn’t hold anything against contraception and safety measures. Despite the religious permissibility, the couples opting for permanent contraception are mostly female. The population programme in India has become women-centric. The number of vasectomy has been decreased from 67% in 1963 to 2% in 2000-2001. This shows that there is a complete lack of male involvement in the birth control topic and we have not yet delinked the masculinity from male reproductive capabilities. By increasing access to male sterilization services and by making them available on a regular basis at the primary health centers and also through a well targeted mass media campaigns we can change this thought pattern.

Promoting few methods that too with excessive emphasis on female sterilization doesn’t decline fertility rates. Most Indian women have poor health status and poor awareness levels, and when this segment receives invasive technology, the results can be disastrous. For sustained decline in fertility rates, it is important that we have a more balanced "method mix".

 
Finally being she, I would like to convey my thanks to our men, who make us who we are now. A powerless, undignified, support less, taken for granted souls.

I salute those men, who don’t care about what his wife will have to go through during this painful process and focus only on his pleasure and extending family.

I salute those men, the insecure lot, who spends lakhs to the fertility clinics and desperately want to have a child to find a purpose in his life and fit in this conformity even at the cost of her life.

I salute those men, the silent spectators, who, though the problem lies with his inability, make their wife go through all those pain in getting a child and survive all those talks from this insensitive environment.

I salute those men, who are so concerned about what a shopkeeper thinks about him than his wife’s health which affects by taking pills and medicines.
 

I salute those men, the ignorant lot, who think sterilization will lose his strength and virility. I can understand your ignorance in not knowing what a real man is.

A recent initiative of distributing condoms to secondary school students ended up with a total disaster with the so called “Preservers of Indian Culture” or should I say, “Culture Anarchists” vehemently protested the initiative and top of all, one of the Indian political leaders, reportedly said that using condoms might increase the chances of Fidelity. You are left to wonder whether you should be sorry for lack of condoms or lack of common sense. You hug your wife or girl friend in Airport to bid her farewell-You're pervert. You wear sleeveless tops -you're a slut. You are a woman and you smoke-you're downright mean. You prefer not to use condoms – not an issue. 

I'm not proud of a Country where there are women who still exist and don't have money to buy sanitary pads and few of them don't even have the awareness that such things exist. I'd be rather happier to spend 75 million to go deep inside our villages and try to resolve some of the already existing problems rather than go beyond some obscure territories in outer space. I guess there are more perverts here than I initially thought. Perverts who don't use a condom and force to have a sex to prove the masculinity. Perverts who don't use condoms out of self righteous ego, out of patriarchal arrogance. Perverts who decide when and what time a girl should lose her virginity. Perverts who used rustic instruments and antibiotics that were contaminated with Rat Poison in the recent Women Sterilization debacle. I salute everyone for successfully making half population of this country (i.e. women) a dormant group. We cannot thank you enough for making us feel like, why we are born in this country as women.

Gracias!!

Image : Wall Street Journal