Being She - What Women want?

It was March 8th, International women’s day. My mind was curious , after all these years on, why dedicate a day exclusively to the celebration of the world's women? And I came to know that the United Nations General Assembly celebrates International Women's Day to recognize that peace and social progress require the active participation and equality of women, and to acknowledge the contribution of women to international peace and security.

I have mentioned, in my previous article, Being She, the status of women in current India. The UN theme ‘End all violence against women’ went unheard in this country where the girl child has become safer only till she is inside her mother’s womb or worst cases where her life is terminated in the womb itself. Even if she manages to come out, she is abandoned elsewhere. Even if she manages to live, she is being treated differently than her brothers and the people around her, expected to do the households, given less or no education. All her life she is told and brought up saying her life belongs to another. And now that is not enough, she has to survive everyday with the fear of rape, horrific accidents from acid attack to all forms of sexual harassment. This year's theme is, "Equality for women is progress for all." But what does this day mean for India's women?

As I was surfing through the channels, I found it inspiring when shows like ‘Satyamave Jayate’ and ‘No more kamzor’ took that extra step to reach the larger audience on this burning issue. Instead of just blowing up the issue, they actually tried on how to solve this, starting with the defense mechanisms for girls. I personally feel everyone should be learn basics of self defense, but is that all thats the need of the hour. Self defense? In a country, where a 5 year old girl had been raped. I doubt she will be even mature enough to get hold of the situation she is in and then comes the act of protecting herself. The real problem is the refusal of India's law-enforcement  to take seriously the problems faced by most of the country's women and the fact that they only seem to take notice when the complainant has the ability to move the case to the highest level.Should the average Indian woman then reconcile herself to the idea that she will likely never receive justice? And no laws can prevent women from domestic violences, where men justifies his action to slap his wife. In a study conducted in 1996, 109 judges were interviewed to assess their attitudes to violence against women :

• 48% believed that there were certain occasions when it was justifiable for a husband to slap his wife.
• 74% believed that preservation of the family should be the woman’s primary concern, even when she faces violence.
• 50% believed that child sexual abuse is not common.
• 68% believed that ‘provocative’ clothes are an invitation to sexual assault.
• 34% believed that dowry has an inherent cultural value.
• 55% believed that the moral character of a woman is relevant in cases of sexual assault.
• 9% believed that those who say ‘No’ to sexual intercourse often mean ‘yes’.

It is high time that the law has been changed with regard to cases like these. There has to be stringent punishments and fast tracks to monitor these kinds of cases. When the law is stringent in a country, before committing a crime, at least the offender would think twice on committing the crime. I agree that with one punishment, the nation is not going to get better, but with consecutive punishments, it would be under a controllable situation. Nothing changes overnight, but in due course it does create an effect.

As I already mentioned, respect is the first step. Women are not sex and childbearing objects, but they are also equally powerful and emotional and a great companion for men and the vice-versa should be made to understand. Once this understanding gets through, half the scenario changes.

Next is the judicial system that has to change. Serious consideration and changes in laws for these kinds of brutalism and exploitation has to be brought about. Action has to be taken, without looking at face and rules should not be bend for certain classes.Law should neither favor some, nor be exploited by others.

Having said all this, I know its a long road where a woman lives her life fully and freely. I would like to end this post on Women’s day with an intense thought provoking poem, “What women want?” by Kim Addonizio:

I want a red dress

I want it flimsy and cheap,

I want it too tight, I want to wear it

until someone tears it off me.

I want it sleeveless and backless,

this dress, so no one has to guess

what's underneath. I want to walk down

the street past Thrifty's and the hardware store

with all those keys glittering in the window,

past Mr. and Mrs. Wong selling day-old

donuts in their café, past the Guerra brothers

slinging pigs from the truck and onto the dolly,

hoisting the slick snouts over their shoulders.

I want to walk like I'm the only

woman on earth and I can have my pick.

I want that red dress bad.

I want it to confirm

your worst fears about me,

to show you how little I care about you

or anything except what

I want. When I find it, I'll pull that garment

from its hanger like I'm choosing a body

to carry me into this world, through

the birth-cries and the love-cries too,

and I'll wear it like bones, like skin,

it'll be the goddamned

dress they bury me in.

This is a poem that asserts a lust for life in the face of unstated social restrictions, but Addonizio reduces that lust with self-deprecating humor and a vivid sense of environment. Her speaker is a woman who just wants to live and be herself.

On its surface it seems to be everything about a woman’s connection to the clothes she wears. She aspires to own a little sexy-dress that she sees at a shop. In this poem a woman wants to celebrate her feminine power over men like she is the last woman left on this planet choosing what she whatever she wants to do. The women in this poem want to show men that she does not care for them a bit & their worst fears of her are true in real life. She is fearless, desiring and independent etc. She ends up saying that all her desires are meant only for herself.

We might also ask broader questions. To what extent are social restrictions associated with gender? Do men face the same restrictions concerning sexuality or anything else? Or is she only wanting the freedom to be who she is, in general, to openly express what she feels, to live in abundance? Is this what women want, or is there something else?

 

A woman with a voice is by definition a strong woman. But the search to find that voice can be remarkably difficult." -- Melinda Gates